I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
