Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
