Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
