I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
