I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My penis needs a shock collar
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
