i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
