By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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