Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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