the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
