He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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