What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
