Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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