I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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