You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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