I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
