you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
