Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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