pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
