I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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