very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
