don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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