i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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