i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We talked him into tasing himself.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
