the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
