her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
