is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
cat food counts as protein by the way
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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