It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
