we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
As shirtless as possible
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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