Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
