The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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