Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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