i'm lost and i look like a hooker
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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