I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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