The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
