I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
