things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
