youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Non-Jews are for practice
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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