Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
