I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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