pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Enjoy the penises
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
