OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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