We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
