They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
