Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize