I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
