i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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