I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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