so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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