things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
