i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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