i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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