Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
