when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
