Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
